You might remember your mother’s ring beside her mug on the kitchen table. She put it there before she washed the dishes. Now the ring is in your jewelry box, and you’re deciding whether you want to wear it, keep it near a photograph, or leave it where it is for a while.
How do you choose a stone or piece of jewelry to remember someone?
Quick Answer
Start with one detail you remember about the person, such as the color of a cardigan or the shape of a ring. Try a piece you already own if you want to wear that memory. You can also keep the original with a photograph or leave it in its box until you feel like looking at it again.
Say you’ve inherited that ring and have a photograph of your mother in the pink cardigan she wore around the house.
- Wear something familiar. If you’d rather keep the ring safe at home, try a pink pendant you already own. Put it on with a shirt you wear often, on a day you’ll be close to home. See how it feels to catch sight of the color in the mirror as you go about your day.
- Keep the original with a photograph. Put the photograph next to the ring box on a shelf or in a drawer. You can take the ring out and notice the part you remember, perhaps the worn edge of the band. If you’d like to wear it later, a jeweler can check the setting and fit first.
- Give it time. If opening the box feels like too much today, leave the ring tucked away. You can take it out another morning, even just for the time it takes to drink a cup of tea.
If you’re looking at crystals for grief, a stone’s color, sheen or surface can give you a way to remember something specific. These are three ways we read those details through Wu Xing and contemporary crystal practice.
Rose Quartz. Its soft pink might bring back the color of that cardigan. We associate pink with Fire in our reading of the Five Phases, and Rose Quartz with affection in contemporary Heart chakra symbolism.
Moonstone. The sheen travels as you turn it in the light. It might bring to mind the way light crossed the kitchen table in the late afternoon. We read that shifting sheen through Water and draw on the Heart chakra association here as a symbol of care.
Smoky Quartz. A smooth piece gives your thumb a surface to rest on while you look through photographs. We read smoky brown as Earth and use the Root chakra association as an image of steadiness. A loose stone can sit beside the ring box and be picked up when you want it.
What can you say before giving someone remembrance jewelry?
Quick Answer
A private note can be enough when a coworker is grieving and you’re unsure whether they’d welcome a keepsake. If someone close to you has already said they’d like remembrance jewelry, offer to look with them. They can choose the detail that matters to them and decide when they’d like to look.
In a public discussion, someone asked what stone might suit a coworker who had lost her mother. One person who had recently lost both parents said they would have found an unexpected keepsake painful to look at. A private note leaves the coworker free to decide if they want an object to remember their mother by. Read the discussion.
For a coworker whose wishes you don’t know, you could send this privately.
I’m thinking of you and your family, and there’s no need to reply.
If someone close has already said they’d like a piece that reminds them of their mother, you could offer this.
Would you like to look together for a piece that reminds you of your mom, whenever you’re ready?
When you look together, ask if there’s one detail they’d like the piece to carry. It could be the color they remember or a shape they’d feel comfortable wearing. If they prefer to wait, let them bring it up again.
Continue Exploring
If the person has said they’d like a piece, use our guide to choosing jewelry as a gift to check fit, fastenings and returns before you order.
About the Author
Yifeng Tao makes hand-knotted, edition-of-one talisman jewelry at à la luck.